It’s so hard to write a journal when all you can think of is to not give away anything personal or private from your life. The main essentials would be to gloss it up, make your life fascinating and mysterious but yet, believable. But let me be absolutely honest. Would I want to show you my “made-up” reality? Nope. I think not. I want to show you the truth. I want to write and make you read about my life. It’s hard to believe, I can assure you. You can just sit and and not take in any of the things I’m about to tell you but it’s the truth and not a bit of this page will hold anything false. I stopped lying to myself and people, when I realised that by keeping myself away from honesty, I was harming myself more. It made me loose. It kept me in an allusion. Ms. Penelope didn’t like that and I was told to always keep her happy. Always remain disciplined. Always to remain good.
I didn’t like the word good. Firstly, I didn’t understand it. Secondly, the word “good” would always follow after I would receive a beating from Ms. Penelope.
This is the first page of this diary and I think I’d rather not just keep brooding here. It’s said, all legendary swords have names. I don’t have a sword. Neither do I have a friend. There is only one person I talk to, Ms. Penelope. It’s getting lonely for me and I know that I can no longer confide all of my secrets on her anymore. She is strict and her beatings are hard. I cannot survive by keeping all of my emotions and thoughts to myself. So, I’m going to write. I’m going to talk with you now. Tell you things I have never dared to tell anyone before, things that I don’t even try to think of, as hard as I can.
I’ll call you Pillow.
You’ll support me, as a friend.
You’ll be by my side.
I’ll love you.
I’ll never let you go.
Lots of love,
The hard wooden door suddenly opened and in came a pretty woman in her mid thirties. Sidney took the dairy and hid it under her pillow.
She smiled! “Pillow will be safe there“, she said to herself.
The hour glass figured woman was wearing a tight red cocktail dress. Her pout was painted wine red and her cheeks were flushed rosy. She lowered her head towards Sidney and gave her a malicious smile, “Dave is downstairs, my child. You shouldn’t stay in your room for too long. He is waiting for you.”
“I don’t like Dave. He is nasty and he brings girls in the house”.
Ms. Penelope took out a small golden lighter and switched it on. Putting a cigarette to her lips, she held the flame to its end. Giving out a monstrous smoke through her nostrils and lazing her eye at Sidney, she said, “I know”.
Putting the lighter back into her purse, she asked, “Does he scold you? Does he beat you? Does he make your life hell during the ten hours I stay away from this house?”
“Yes”, I whispered. My head bowed . I was beginning to understand that she relished me being punished like this.
“Good“, she rolled away her eyes from me. “It is because you deserve it, my child. Every spiteful bit of it.”