I want to cry,
I want to scream,
I want to tell you mostly,
I hate that I’m so afraid of everything.
I hate that you’re the one thing I want the most but can’t have,
I hate that you let me go before I got even got to say goodbye.
I wish that you would come back to me,
I wish I were strong enough to say no to you,
I wish I could believe my own lies I use to cover up the pain you left.
I need to move on, says my head,
I need to hold on, says my heart,
I need to decide, says my mind.
I envy the way this hasn’t hurt you at all!
I envy her!
I envy the fact you don’t understand what this feels like at all.
I want to hurt you,
I want to be with you,
I want this nightmare to be over.
I wish I could make things how they were before you.
I wish I could change time.
I wish I could change you,
I wish I could have hurt you before you hurt me,
I wish I would have given you the letter when I wanted.
I need you out of my thoughts.
I need you out of my heart.
I need to start doing things for me.
I hate that you used me.
I hate that I gave you something I can never have back.
I hate that I wasted it with you.
I’m tired of hoping aimlessly for you,
I’m tired of wanting something I can’t have,
I’m tired of hurting me for things that aren’t my fault.
I’m sorry I was good enough,
I’m sorry I defended you when everyone else was right,
I’m sorry I couldn’t make you happy.
Funny though how you never once said sorry for hurting me,
for breaking me,
for not loving me.